The Tao Of Change
A New Perspective On Getting Fired
by Kaela Austin, M.F.C.C.
It is Thursday at 4 p.m. The film producer is scheduled to arrive at 4:30. You frantically search for that car crash shot that somebody probably forgot to shoot. Unexpectedly, your office door opens. You turn in your chair to see who it is. The next thirty minutes are a blur. The only thing you can remember is that you got fired.
Life becomes a rollercoaster of events and feelings. The ride begins. It's a
process that follows a pre-determined course. First, your life flashes before your eyes and your heart feels like it's going to jump out of your chest. Your palms are sweating and the hairs on the back of your neck are standing on end. The brain calls up only negative thoughts about your talent and abilities. Deprived of any positive feedback, fear raises its ugly head. You feel a sense of loss. You are disgraced and humiliated. Fear displaces all other feelings and leaves you with the most primal need: survival.
"Tao is the path of least resistance... sometimes we have to accept what happens to us without completely understanding why it happened." How will you survive financially? Emotionally?
The next stage is shock, disbelief, denial. How could this be happening to me? Denial is helpful at first because it provides us with excuses and justifications for this firing: downsizing, bankruptcy - anything that isn't your fault.
Anger follows. You say to yourself, "I'm a terrific commodity. I work hard. I come in on time; I work late" You blame everybody else but yourself. Refusing to take any responsibility, you feel a deep sense of self-pity. Then there's that old standby, rage.
Finally, after struggling with all of these emotions, you get it. It's real. It really happened. You are out of a job. At last you move into the stage of acceptance. This is the first time you face reality. You pack up all your belongings and put them in a big cardboard box. Stepping out of your office, your take the next step in the process. (This process could take a lot longer.)
You are moving on. By the time you get to the parking space that your car has occupied for quite a while now you become aware of another feeling: relief.You admit to yourself that this job has put you under a lot of pressure. Or you have put that pressure on yourself. So now what are you going to do? How will you manage yourself and your future?
Let's take a little diversion from the process and tune in to some advice from Mark Twain who recognized that it is easier for us to relate to someone else's loss or trauma than our own. He puts it this way, "During my lifetime I've experienced many disasters and catastrophes, none of which have actually happened to me.'' So how can we act and feel as if this firing didn't actually happen to us? How can we get perspective again so we can move on? Tao, the pathless path might be the answer for you.
Tao is the path of least resistance (don't resist) and the balance between mind, body, spirit and existence. Sometimes we have to accept what happens to us without completely understanding why it happened. The Tao of Change is accepting without resistance; accepting being fired without resistance.
Back to reality. Now it's time for you to deal with your own discomfort. After all, comfort is only an illusion.
And anything we resist will persist. If we cannot accept being fired and the negative feelings related to it we can not move on. The Tao is the absence of resistance. You begin to surrender. Surrender the mind, body, and being. Give it up. Let go of the concept that this is the only job, the most important job, the job that defines you. Realize that because you didn't meet someone else's expectations doesn't mean that you are worthless. Cope with the fact that you didn't live up to someone else's expectations. Accept it. Don't resist. Go with the Tao.
If you're fired call the Guild office. You may be able to file a grievance. Embrace change as a positive force in your life. In essence, create an attitude change. Accept that this is just a bump in the road. Gather all of your favorite people around you and create an environment of trust and caring. Let go of embarrassment, shame and the feeling that you are bad or wrong. Re-evaluate. Self motivate. Problem solve.
Which reminds me of the story of the little boy who came home from school one day to find that his house was filled to the rafters with dung. He said, "Wow! If there's this much poop, there's got to be a pony!"
Find your pony.
